As patrons were shopping at the mall around Christmas, Bill and Fred heard a commotion coming from the area where Santa greets the children. "What do you suppose is going on?" asked Bill.

A nearby shopper told them that the new Santa Clause, an eccentric old fellow, had attached dozens of clocks, watches, and other various timepieces onto his big wide belt, circling his whole body.

"Let's go see him," said Fred. "He sounds like a nut, but it's worth checking out."

"Naw, I'm not interested," replied Bill.

"Why don't you want to see Santa with a bunch of clocks tied around his midriff?"

"I'll tell you why. It's a waist of time!"

Item in the "Cyclops Dating for Dummies" book: Never date a cyclops much shorter than you.

Why?

You'll never see eye to eye on anything.

Two friends are driving in a car. Phil, from the passenger seat, is yelling instructions.

"You idiot! You were supposed to turn left!"

"Make a U-Turn now! You're going to get lost!"

"OK then, merge left onto the freeway."

"Dummy, you missed the freeway! Now it's going to take forever to get where you're going!" You're hopeless!

"Say, Phil, what's up with that ornery voice?" asks Tom, from the driver seat.

"Sorry, Tom, that's my GPS-WAAS talking."

"What's a GPS-WAA?"

"GPS With An Attitude!"

Someone once said that anything is possible...

So isn't it possible that I will never do anything?