Earl and Bob, both obsessed with baseball, never missed their favorite team’s game. They made a promise to each other, whoever died first, and went to heaven, would come back to earth and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven.

One day, Earl died. Bob waited for him to come back. Finally, Earl did. He said to Bob.

"I have good news and bad news. I'll tell you the good news first. There is baseball in heaven."

Bob said, "That’s the best news!"

Then Earl said, time for the bad news....”You're pitching tomorrow night."

Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?

Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,'"

or

“that’s Michael, he's a doctor.'"

A small voice at the back of the room rang out,

"And there's the teacher. She's dead."

A father sends a small boy to bed. Five minutes later....
"Da-ad...."
"What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"