Teacher: If you multiplied 50 by 8 and then divided by 4, what would you get?

Student: The wrong answer.

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending so much of his free time in the local bar, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked.

"Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot.

His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spit it out. "Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"

"Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"

A crew of highway maintenance workers was sent to repair some road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested area. The first one they put back up was a symbol warning of a deer crossing.

As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one crew member looked back and spotted a deer running across the highway.

Turning to a co-worker he said, "I wonder how long he's been waiting to cross?"

Why did they let the turkey join the band?

Because he had the drumsticks!