Each Friday night I drove my wife to the train station so she could go visit her sister who was ill. Ten minutes later, my sister arrived by train so that she could help with the house and kids over the weekend while my wife was gone. On Sundays this procedure worked in reverse with my sister departing by train 10 minutes before my wife arrived.

One evening after my sister left and while I awaited my wife's arrival, a porter sauntered over.

"Mister," he said, "you sure have some system going! But one of these days you're goin' to get caught!"

On the Listening Tour, a prominent politician was pleased and proud that the local sandwich shop in a town he was visiting had named a sandwich after him.

He was somewhat less pleased after he found out what was in it.

"Mostly baloney," said the proprietor.

On a military training exercise, the British divisional command radio operators were getting very bored one quiet night, when breaking the silence a voice asked over the air, "Are there any friendly bears listening?"

After a moment, another voice replied, "Yes, I'm a friendly bear," and then another voice, "I'm a friendly bear too!"

At this point, the Officer at Headquarters grabbed his microphone and let loose a blistering tirade at the operators for fooling around on a radio link.

When he had finished, there was silence for about ten seconds. Then a small voice said, "You're not a very friendly bear, are you?"

USA Today: We're Dead

The Wall Street Journal: Dow Jones Plummets As World Ends

Microsoft Systems Journal: Apple Loses Market Share

Sports Illustrated: Game Over

Rolling Stone: The Grateful Dead Reunion Tour

Readers Digest: Bye

Discover Magazine: How Will The Extinction Of All Life As We Know It Affect The Way We View The Cosmos?

Tv Guide: Death And Damnation: Nielson Ratings Soar!

Lady's Home Journal: Lose 10 lbs By Judgment Day With Our New "Armageddon" Diet!

Inc. Magazine: Ten Ways You Can Profit From The Apocalypse