Favorite this joke The defendant stood up in the dock and said to the judge, "I don't recognize this court!"
"Any why not?" asked the Judge, sternly.
"Because you've had it decorated since the last time I was here."
The boss is finally old enough to retire from the company. On his last day of work, he ordered a farewell party for himself. The boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing on the farewell card, so later he could remember how his staff would "miss" him. Most people are writing standard phrases like, Without you, the company will never be the same... We will always remember you... etc.
Obviously the boss was not satisfied. "I need something from the bottom of your heart, something really touching, you know. Okay, John, you have been working with me for the last 20 years. You are my best staff. I am retiring now. What do you have to say?"
Slowly but firmly, John wrote, "The best news in 20 years!"
Telling his grandson about his days as a Golden Gloves contestant, Max said, "The bell rang, and we met in the center of the ring. First he threw a left cross, then came the right cross."
Max hesitated and his grandson asked, "Then what happened?"
"Then," sighed Max, "came the Red Cross."
A statistics major was completely hung over the day of his final exam. It was a True/False test, so he decided to flip a coin for the answers. The stats professor watched the student the entire two hours as he was flipping the coin... writing the answer... flipping the coin... writing the answer.
At the end of the two hours, everyone else had left the final except for the one student. The professor walks up to his desk and interrupts the student, saying: "Listen, I have seen that you did not study for this statistics test, you didn't even open the exam. If you are just flipping a coin for your answer, what is taking you so long?"
The student replies bitterly, as he is still flipping the coin: "Shhh! I am checking my answers!"
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