As chaplain in a university residence hall, I am supposed to uphold all of the school rules, which include a ban on pets. That changed when a kitten adopted me.

The freshmen in my dorm kept my secret. They covered for me by calling my kitten "the Book," since I had so many in my room.

One morning I was leaving the dorm with the kitten in a carrier. A student stopped me and asked, "Where are you taking the Book?"

I explained that I was taking the kitten to the vet. "She's getting neutered today," I told him.

"Hmmm," the student responded, "no sequels."

Willpower: The ability to eat only one salted peanut.

Experience: A comb life gives you after you lose your hair.

Vacation: A time when parents realize that teachers aren't paid enough.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

Computer novices may feel like they're alone these days, but the following call to IBM's help center show there are plenty of people out there who still are inching onto the information superhighway.

After a caller gave a technician her PC's serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded, "I see you have an Aptiva" desktop unit.

Before he could say another word, the caller shrieked and said she'd be right back. When the customer returned, the technician asked if she was all right. The caller responded: "Had I realized you could see me, I never would have telephoned in my bathrobe."

A visitor to the North Pole was given the grand tour of the place by Santa Claus.

The visitor suddenly exclaimed, "What a huge reindeer! But why doesn't it have any antlers?"

Santa replied, "Well, there are several reasons that a reindeer might not have antlers. Some reindeer get their antlers late, some reindeer have their antlers broken off in a fight and some reindeer never grow any antlers at all."

The tourist moved closer for a better look and asked, "What happened to this one?"

Santa replied, from fifty yards away, "He was born a horse."