Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the first hole, he sliced into the rough. The parishioner heard Father Murphy mutter, "Hoover!" under his breath.

On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water hazard. "Hoover!" again, a little louder this time.

On the third hole, a miracle occurred and Father Murphy's drive landed on the green only six inches from the hole! "Praise be to God!"

He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in. "HOOVER!"

By this time, the parishioner couldn't withhold his curiosity any longer, and asked the priest, "Why do you say Hoover?"

"It's the biggest dam I know," he replied.

A friend of mine was visiting a college, which had those security call boxes every few hundred feet. If you were wandering around the campus at night and felt uneasy about somebody following you, for instance, you could hit the button and have a security officer come investigate immediately.

On one of these phones hung a sign that said, "Out of Order."

Underneath it someone had scrawled . . . "Keep Running!"

The couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. An interviewer asked, "Could you please share the secret to a long marriage?"

The husband answered, "Never criticize your wife for her short-comings, or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that it is because of her shortcomings and weaknesses that she could not find a better husband than you."