Favorite this joke As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"
One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray."
"Good," said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."
My favorite spot at our local zoo is the House of Night, where nocturnal creatures crawl and fly about. One very bright day, I stepped into the exhibit and was plunged into total darkness. Almost immediately, a small hand grabbed mine.
"And who do you belong to?" I asked.
His answer came swiftly: "I'm yours till the lights come on!”
1. If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver.
2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.
3. Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid.
4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can... many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.
5. If it's electronic, get a new one... or consult a twelve year old.
6. Stay simple minded: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning the switch or just paint over it.
7. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have healed it.
8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help.
9. If something looks level, it is level.
10. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
The test I gave my math class covered everything we'd studied all year -- fractions, percentages and portions of whole units.
But maybe I could have explained things better. To the question "What portion of a foot is six inches?"
One student answered, "The toes?"
Free Daily Joke