Favorite this joke If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping", otherwise known as "hampering." Following are the rules for "hampering":
1. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted. It's even funnier when they try to avoid stepping on you and fall into a counter or table.
2. For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.
3. For paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or pen. The worker may try to distract you; ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work.
4. When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper.
In every Human Resources report, there is a reason for termination. There are so many possibilities, that we have narrowed the list down to Snow White & the 7 Dwarfs:
Happy: Had trouble putting nose to the grindstone. Too much time spent telling jokes at the water cooler.
Doc: Left to pursue further schooling, in particular, Ph.D. work.
Sleepy: Chronically late for work. Caused many project delays.
Grumpy: Poor attitude toward work. Not a team player. Trouble with early mornings.
Dopey: Made several critical errors at work costing the company money, e.g., misappropriated company funds.
Sneezy: Recurrent, chronic illness has made it difficult for the employee to complete work in a timely fashion.
Bashful: Lack of initiative. Not willing to make cold calls. Too often let workplace disagreements simmer.
Jealous Queen: Heavy involvement in the occult not congruent with organizational policies.
Snow White: Misconduct, e.g., kissing strange men while under some kind of trance.
An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing the merits of a mistress.
The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered.
The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems.
The computer scientist says, "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. My wife thinks I'm with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm home with my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer!"
When a new child visited our Sunday school, the teacher greeted him and asked his age. The little boy held up four fingers.
"Oh, you're four," said the teacher. "And when will you be 5?"
The child stared at her and after a few seconds replied, "When I hold up the other finger."
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