A fellow was sitting in the doctor's waiting room, and said to himself every so often, "Lord I hope I'm sick."

After about the 5th or 6th time, the receptionist couldn't stand it any longer and asked, "Why in the world would you want to be sick Mr. Adams?"

The man replied, "I'd hate to be well and feel like this."

My husband decided life would be easier if he wired a new light switch in the master bedroom to save us from fumbling in the dark for the lamp. He cut through the drywall and found a stash of bottles and small boxes inside the wall.

"Honey!" he called excitedly. "You've got to come here and see what I found!"

I ran in and quickly realized that his next task would be to fix the hole that now led into the back of our medicine cabinet.

Four cowboys are sitting on a mountain one night having a few cold ones around a campfire. One is a tuba player, one a trumpet player, one a conductor, and the last a coloratura soprano.

The tuba player tosses an empty can of Budweiser into the air, whips out his gun, and shoots it declaring, "I just killed the king of beers!"

The trumpet player, not wanting to be outdone, tosses his empty can of Coors into the air, shoots it and declares, "Ha! I just shot the silver bullet!"

The soprano, ever so demurely, reaches into her backpack, pulls out a bottle of Michelob, calmly drinks the whole thing, tosses her bottle into the air, and shoots the conductor.

Grinning broadly at her fellow musicians she says, "Guys, it just doesn't get any better than this."

When I bought my new Corvette, my two sons asked me who would inherit it if I met my demise. I pondered the question, then told them if I passed away on an even day, the son born on an even day would get it. If it happened on an odd day, the one born on the odd day would get it.

A few weekends later, while river rafting with one of my sons, I was tossed out of the boat. As I floated in the rapids, I heard my son yelling, "It's the wrong day!"