If you love something, set it free.

If it comes back, it will always be yours.

If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.

But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free... You either married it or gave birth to it.

YEAR: 1981

1. Prince Charles got married.
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope died.

YEAR: 2005

1. Prince Charles got married.
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope died.

In the future, if Prince Charles decides to remarry, somebody please warn the Pope!

These two guys out hunting find a hole in the woods that's about three feet across, but it's so deep that when they drop a rock, they hear no sound. So they drop a bigger rock, but they still hear nothing.

So they go looking for something larger, and they find a railroad tie, haul it over to the hole, and heave it in. It also disappears without a sound.

Suddenly a goat comes running up at about sixty miles an hour and dives headfirst into the hole. And there's still no sound. Nothing.

Suddenly a farmer appears from the woods and says, "HEY! You fellas seen my goat around here?"

And they say, "Well, there was a goat just ran by here real fast and dove into this hole here."

"Naw," says the farmer, "that couldn't be my goat. My goat was tied up to a railroad tie."

An old man was a witness in a burglary case. The defense lawyer asked Richard, "Did you see my client commit this burglary?"

"Yes," said Richard, "I saw him plainly take the goods."

The lawyer asks Richard again, "Richard, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?"

"Yes," says Richard, "I saw him do it."

Then the lawyer asks Richard, "Richard listen, you are 80 years old and your eye sight probably is bad. Just how far can you see at night?"

Richard says, "I can see the moon, how far is that?"