- The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.

- You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.
- The cardiologist's diet... if it tastes good, spit it out.

- You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.
- When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.

NEW - Different color from previous design.
ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.

EXCLUSIVE - Imported product.
UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition.

FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments.
ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it.

IT'S HERE AT LAST - Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.
FIELD TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment.

HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit.
FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does.

REDESIGNED - Previous flaws fixed. We hope.
DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had a big argument with distributor.

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one to work.
BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a use for it.

MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix.
MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours.

SOLID-STATE - Heavy as anything!
HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it.

1. Dogs will tilt their heads and try to understand every word you say. Cats will ignore you and take a nap.

2. Cats look silly on a leash.

3. When you come home from work, your dog will be happy and lick your face. Cats will still be mad at you for leaving in the first place.

4. Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they die. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born.

5. Dogs will bring you your slippers. Cats will drop a dead mouse in your slippers.

6. When you take them for a ride, dogs will sit on the seat next to you. Cats have to have their own private basket, or they won't go at all.

7. Dogs will come when you call them. And they'll be happy. Cats will have someone take a message and get back to you.

"To do is to be..." -- Descartes.

"To be is to do..." -- Sartre.

"Do be do be do..." – Sinatra!