"What do you want to be when you grow up?" asked the teacher.

Little Johnny raised his hand as says, “A congressman.”

The teacher asked why and Little Johnny replied, "Because they spend most of their time at recess."

Client: "No one ever agrees with me!"

Psychiatrist: "You don’t seem like the disagreeable type!"

Client (raising one eyebrow): “I digress.”

A mother was taking her two young ones to grandpa’s birthday party. The two kids were whispering in the back seat. One of the children said, "You can’t have a birthday party without a birthday cake."

The other child said, "Yup, that’s right! No cake no party!"

"What makes you two think there won’t be a birthday cake?" asked the mother.

"Are you kidding mom, Grandpa's going to need a garden hose to put that fire out."

Two seagulls were flying toward a very crowded beach. They couldn’t believe their eyes when they spotted a flying cow in front of them.

The one seagull turned to the other one and said, "I have a feeling someone’s going to have a very bad day."