"How was your first day of seventh grade son?"

"It was great Mom, I found out I’ll be learning sex education in my astronomy class. The teacher asked if we had a favorite star and also said beginning tomorrow we’ll be discussing heavenly bodies!"

A father asked his daughter, "What do you see in that boy? That kid has his head screwed on backwards!"

"No he doesn’t dad, that’s how kids wear ball caps these days."

I was walking down the street when I heard a skirmish down an ally. A guy was trying to take a woman’s purse. When I saw it was my ex-wife, I said a little prayer for the guy and just kept on walking.

A guy was gazing at the stars through his binoculars when his wife came out in a new dress. She asked if it made her hips look smaller. He paused for a second, turned his binoculars around, and then looked at her. "I’ve got some good news honey, you’ve never looked better."