How many astronauts does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two astronauts to change a light bulb. Astronaut number one to hold the light bulb and astronaut number two to rotate astronaut number one.

Used car salesperson to customer: How would you like to buy a car with zero down and zero per month?

Customer: (slight pause) For how many months?

A young man joined the military. Soon after he got to boot camp he realized he’d made a big mistake. It must have taken a toll on him because soon enough the stress of boot camp had pushed the young man over the edge.

The recruit started riding a pretend motor scooter making motor sounds and beeping a pretend horn. The military decided to discharge the young man due to his instability. As the young man was leaving the base for the last time he rode his pretend motor scooter. When he got to the front gate he stopped and put down the pretend kick stand.

He turned off the pretend key and started to walk away. The guard said, "Hey, what about your motor scooter?"

The young man replied, "I only needed it to get me out of here, it’s all yours."

(Husband) Honey bunches, since you want me to loose a little weight I’m going to try some of those low calorie chocolate favored drinks.

(Wife) Really? That’s great cuddle bear! You do realize dumpling they’re only used as a meal replacement right?

(Husband) What are you talking about Sandra?

(Wife) What I'm saying is you can’t use them to wash down chilly cheese fries, Frank!