Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days.

The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord."

He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion.

As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."

A man walks into a bar. He gets very drunk and asks the bartender where the restroom is.

The bartender explains it's the third door to the right, but the man goes into the third door to the left. He finds a large golden toilet. The man takes a big poop in it and leaves.

He continues to return to drink there every week, and every time he goes to poop in that golden toilet.

One day he finds the golden toilet is gone, so he asks the bartender about it.

The bartender exclaims, "So you're the one who's been pooping in my tuba!"

I’m driving with this guy, and he runs right through a stop sign. So I say, “Hey, that was a Stop sign.” And he says, “I drive like my brother!”

A few blocks later, he plows right through a red light. I say, “You just ran a red light.” And he says, “I drive like my brother!”

So now we’re coming up on a green light, and he slows down. I’m confused, so I say, “It’s green; why are you slowing down?”

He says, “My brother might be coming.”