If Mississippi wears her New Jersey, what does Delaware?

I dunno, Al-ask-a.

A cop pulls over a guy and says, "Your eyes are awfully red. Have you been drinking?"

"Gee, officer," the man replies. "Your eyes are awfully glazed -- have you been eating doughnuts?"

A police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible drunk drivers. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off.

Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered a Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.

The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy."

My 13-year-old grandson spent a beautiful Saturday playing video games.

His older sister tried coaxing him outside by warning, “Someday, you’re going to be 30 years old, single, and living in Mom’s basement playing video games all day!”

He reply: “I can only dream.”