Favorite this joke How do you fire woodworkers?
Tell them they’re finished.
How do you fire watch repair people?
Tell them their time is up.
How do you fire teachers?
Tell them they’re dismissed.
How do you fire authors?
Tell them it’s The End.
How do you fire lumberjacks?
Give them the ax.
How do you fire garbage collectors?
Tell them they’re canned.
How do you fire gift-wrappers?
Tell them the job is all wrapped up.
I walk into a bar and ask the bartender for a Screwdriver.
He disappears and reappears twenty minutes later with a Philips Head screwdriver.
I look at him aghast and say, “What would you have done if I asked for a Bloody Mary?”
During the first day of Navy Boot Camp, the lieutenant in charge had a stack of cards with each person’s name on it. He said, “When I read off your name, I want you to step forward, say 'Here, sir', then salute me, and then get back to where you were!”
Lieutenant: “Andrews!”
Andrews: “Here, sir!”
Lieutenant: “Cooper!”
Cooper: “Here, sir!”
Lieutenant: “Seeback!” (No response) “Seeback! (Still no response) “I said Seeback!”
The admiral next to him whispers something in his ear. The lieutenant then turns the card over and says: “Lodge!”
Lodge: “Here, sir!”
Me: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Stranger: "To get to the other side."
Me: "No. To get the Chicken Newspaper. You get it?"
Stranger: "No."
Me: "I don't get it either... I get The Miami Herald."
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