Always borrow money from a pessimist...
...they never expect it back!
Teacher: "Little Johnny, spell 'blind pig'."
Little Johnny: "B-L-N-D, space, P-G."
Teacher: "You forgot the two I's."
Little Johnny: "No, I didn't. A blind pig has no I's."
If George Washington was the father of our country, does that make his father the grandfather of our country?
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!