Knock Knock!

Come in.

What did the conductor say when asked to play "The Messiah"?

"I don't think my orchestra can Handel it."

A man went to the hardware store and asked for nails.

"How long do you want them?" asked the salesman.

"Oh," said the customer, "I was rather hoping to keep them."

In high school, two boys, two friends (one Spanish and one American), were talking about the grades they received in their classes.

American boy: "You got an F in Spanish! How could that happen? Spanish is what you speak at home and stuff."

Spanish boy: "Probably the same way you got an F in English."