When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad.

He said, "I want my daughter back by 8:15."

I said, "The middle of August? Cool!"

Marriage is like a card game. They start with a pair, he shows a diamond, she shows a flush, and they end up with a full house.

Why do we wash bath towels?

Aren't we clean when we use them???

"Darling, in the moonlight your teeth are like pearls."

"Oh really! And when were you in the moonlight with Pearl?"