People who think that time heals everything have obviously never tried waiting it out in a doctor's waiting room!

"I'm a little worried about our mailman. Last week I found a pile of bones on the front walk and the dog was picking his teeth with a postcard."

Why does it get hot after a baseball game?

Because all the fans leave.

I was a compulsive gambler. I finally quit and told my best friend that I would never gamble again.

He turns to me and says, "Wanna bet?"