I got a dog and named it "Twenty Miles". This way I can tell people that I walk twenty miles everyday.

An undertaker can be one of your best friends...

He'll be the last one to let you down.

First Martian: That girl over there rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?

Second Martian: If you were a real gentleman, you'd pick them and roll them back to her!

My favorite baseball team keeps losing games, but they continue to have a T-Shirt Night, Cap Night, Bat Night, etc...

How about something new and exciting this season like a WINNING Night!