In a kids bedroom:
3 year old: I can't sleep
Father: Why not?
3 year old: There are scary monsters under my bed.
Father: Scarier than your mother?
3 year old: "zzz"
What did the turkey say to the chicken on Thanksgiving?
You're clucky, you're not a turkey.
In a courtroom, where tensions are high...
Judge: Order! Order in the court!
Plaintiff: I'll take a ham on rye.
Did you hear about the nearsighted snake who fell in love with a piece of rope?