A stranded motorist knocked on the door of an inn named “George and the Dragon.”
“Could you spare a poor stranded motorist a bite to eat?” he asked the woman who answered the door.
“No!” she screamed, slamming the door.
A few seconds later he knocked again. The same woman answered the door.
“Could I please have a bite to eat?” he asked again.
“Get out, you good-for-nothing!” shouted the woman. “And don’t you ever come back!”
After a few minutes there's another knock at the door. The woman comes to the door.
“Pardon,” said the motorist, “but could I have a few words with George this time?”
Passenger: What good is your timetable, the trains are never on time!
Conductor: And how would you know they were late if it wasn’t for the timetable?
A dentist was about to leave his office with his golf bag on his shoulder, when the phone rang.
“Doctor,” the caller said, “I have a terrible toothache. Can I stop by your office in a few minutes?”
“Sorry,” replied the dentist, “but I have a previous appointment to fill eighteen cavities this afternoon.”
On a boat...
Captain (boasting): This boat makes twenty knots an hour!
Passenger: How long does it take the crew to untie them?