A vain lion wanted to find out why the other animals were not as beautiful as he.

First, he asked a giraffe. The giraffe did not know. Next, the lion asked a bear. The bear had no answer. Then the lion asked a hippopotamus, and again got no answer.

Finally, the lion met a mouse. He asked the mouse, ”Tell me, why aren't you as big, as strong, and as beautiful as I am?”

The mouse looked up at the lion and said, ”Well, I've been sick.”

A man went to his doctor complaining about terrible neck pains, throbbing headaches and dizzy spells. The doctor examined him and said, “I’m afraid I have some bad news for you. You have only six months to live.”

The doomed man decided he would spend his remaining time on earth enjoying himself. He told his boss what he thought of him and quit his job. Then he took all his money out of the bank and bought a sports coat, 10 new suits, and 15 pairs of new shoes.

Then he went to get himself a dozen tailored shirts. He went to the finest shirt shop he could find. The tailor measured and wrote down 16 neck.

“Wait a moment,” the man interrupted. “I always wear a size 14 neck, and that’s what I want.”

“I’ll be glad to do it for you, sir,” the tailor replied. However, if you wear a size 14 neck your going to get terrible neck pains, throbbing headaches and dizzy spells.”

Sunday School Teacher: Okay class... who can tell me what are some different names used when talking about God?

Boy: Hallowed!

Sunday School Teacher: Hallowed? How did you get that as an answer?

Boy: It’s in the Lord’s Prayer: Our Father who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name....