Customer: Waiter, I’m hungry. Please bring me a mashed potato sandwich on rye.

Waiter: What are you saying? Only an idiot would order mashed potatoes on rye bread.

Customer: You’re right. Make it on whole wheat toast.

Little Johnny: I’m so glad you named me Little Johnny.

Mother: Why do you say that?

Little Johnny: Because that’s what all the kids in school call me.

Woman: Doctor, please come quickly! My little boy has just swallowed my fountain pen!

Doctor: Of course, I’ll be right there. What are you doing in the meantime?

Woman: Using a pencil.