”Waiter! What is that bug doing in my salad?”
”Trying to find a way out, sir.”
A wife served some homemade cinnamon rolls for breakfast and waited eagerly for her husband’s reaction.
When none was immediately forthcoming, she asked, “If I baked these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one of them?”
Without looking up from his newspaper, he replied, “About ten years.”
A little girl won two goldfish at a fair. When the family arrived home, her mother asked her what she was going to call them.
“I think I’ll call them One and Two,” said the little girl.
“They’re unusual names for goldfish. Why have you chosen them?”
”Because if One dies, I’ll still have Two!”
A farmhand went to church one Sunday, but when he entered he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the farmhand if he wanted to go ahead and preach.
”Well,” said the farmhand, “I’m not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I’d still feed him.”
So the minister began his sermon. An hour passed, then two hours, then two and a half hours. Finally the preacher finished and asked the farmhand whether he had enjoyed the sermon.
“Well,” said the farmhand, “I’m not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn’t feed him all the hay.”