A terminally ill man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. ”Give it to me straight, doc, ” he said. ”How long have I got?”
The physician replied that he doubted whether the man would survive the night.
So the man said, ”Fetch me my lawyer.”
When the lawyer arrived, the man asked the physician to stand on one side of the bed while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then closed his eyes. After a few minutes, the physician asked him what he was thinking about.
The man replied, ”Jesus died with a thief on either side. I thought I check out the same way.”
A guy asked for a goodnight kiss but the girl rebuffed him, saying, “I don’t do that sort of thing on a first date.”
“Well,” he said, “how about on a last date?”
Little Johnny came home from school with a sofa slung across his back I'm and armchairs under his arms.
His father said, ”Little Johnny, I told you not to accept suites from strangers.”
A man went into a bookstore and complained...
“I bought this book from you yesterday, 'Cowards in History' and all the pages fell out!"
The sales assistant said, “That’s because it has no spine.”