I do not believe in diets. The closest I've been to a diet is erasing the food searches from my browser history.

A penguin walks into a bar. He goes to the counter and asks the bartender, "Have you seen my brother?"

Bartender replies, "I don't know, what does he look like?"

The phlebotomist entered the hospital room to draw blood. Noticing an apple on the patient's nightstand, she remarked, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."

"That's true," the patient replied. "I haven't seen a doctor in three days."

The topic for my third-grade class was genetics. Smiling broadly, I pointed to my dimples and asked, “What trait do you think I passed on to my children?”

One student called out, “Wrinkles!”