"Wake up, honey. It's time to go to school."

"But why? I don't want to go to school."

"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."

"One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."

"Oh, that's no reason. Come on, you have to go to school."

"Give me two good reasons why I should go to school?"

"One, you are fifty-two years old. Two, you are the principal!"

My boss told me yesterday, “Ken, you shouldn't dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want.”

But when I turned up at the office today in Ghostbuster's clothing, she said I was fired.

My Dad bought my Mom a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it.

"Oh," said My Dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet."

"How come?" I asked.

"Well," he answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing."

There were three men on a hill with their watches. The first man threw his watch down the hill and it broke. The second man threw his watch down the hill and it broke.

The third man threw his watch down the hill, walked all the way to the bottom, and caught it. The other two men were puzzled and asked the third man how he did it.

The third man said, "Easy. My watch is 5 minutes slow."