Sign on the door of a church nursery quotes Paul in 1 Corinthians 15:51:

"Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed."

Don't worry about the world ending today...

It's already tomorrow in Australia.

At a workshop on dog temperament, the instructor noted that a test for a canine's disposition was for an owner to fall down and act hurt. A dog with poor temperament would try to bite the person, whereas a good dog would lick his owner's face or show concern.

Once, while eating pizza in the living room, I decided to try out this theory on my two dogs. I stood up, clutched my heart, let out a scream and collapsed on the floor.

The dogs looked at me, glanced at each other, and raced to the coffee table for my pizza.

"This little computer," said the sales clerk, "will do half of your job for you."

Studying the machine, the senior VP said, "Fine. I'll take two."