At the school where my mother worked, the two first-grade teachers were Miss Paine and Mrs. Hacking. One morning the mother of a student called in the middle of a flu epidemic to excuse her daughter from school.

"Is she in Paine or Hacking?" the school secretary asked.

"She feels fine," said the confused mom. "We have company and I'm keeping her home."

Mary's fourth-grade homework assignment was to make sentences using the words in her spelling list, along with the definition.

Coming across the word "frugal" in the list, she asked her father what it meant. He explained that being frugal meant you saved something.

Her paper read...

Frugal: to save

Sentence: Maid Marion fell into a pit when she went walking in the woods so she yelled for someone to come get her out.

She yelled "Frugal me, Frugal me!"

A harp is just a piano... with no clothes on.

There’s a story told about a lone cowboy who went to an evening service at a little country church up in Montana. There was a snowstorm and the only two people who showed up were the preacher and the cowboy. They waited and waited.

Finally the preacher said, "Well, I guess we might as well go on home, it doesn't look like anyone else is going to show up."

The cowboy responded, "Now preacher, when I go out to feed cattle, and only one cow shows up, I still feed her!"

The preacher said "Okay," and proceeded to preach an hour-long sermon.

After it was over the cowboy said, "Preacher, that was a good sermon, but you know, when I feed cattle, and only one cow shows up, I don’t give her the whole load!"