Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach...

... and now I am the proud owner of Aisle 4.

A passenger train is creeping along, painfully slow. Finally, it creaks to a complete halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.

"What's going on?" she yells out the window.

"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.

Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walking by again. She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"

"I married an Irishman on St. Patrick's Day."

"Oh, really?"

"No, O'Reilly!"

Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?

A: Regular rocks are too heavy.