After a worship service, a mother with a fidgety seven-year-old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet.

About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, "If you don't be quiet, the Pastor is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again."

It worked.

I was going to give him a nasty look, but nature beat me to it.

Don't just tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends -- tell me where to get more wax!!

A burglar broke into the home of a good Quaker gentleman.

From upstairs, the Quaker heard the noises below and realized there was an intruder.

He took his hunting rifle to the top of the stairs and announced: "Friend, I mean to do thee no harm, but where thou standest is where I am about to shoot."