Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV to one of nine channels.

Jill's car was unreliable and she called John for a ride every time it broke down. One day John got yet another one of those calls...

John: "What happened this time?"

Jill: "My brakes went out. Can you come get me?"

John: "Where are you?"

Jill: "I'm in the drugstore."

John: "And where's the car?"

Jill: "It's in here with me."

While being transported to basic training, a new enlistee of the Air National Guard accidentally opened a parachute in the rear of the C-47.

The plane was piloted by a major and a captain, and the new enlistee felt intimidated as he opened the cockpit door to confess what he had done.

Expecting to be severely chastised, he was surprised by the captain's calm response. "Well, son," he said, "if this plane goes down, that chute is yours."

A woman was having a medical problem - her husband snoring. She called the doctor one morning, and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her "suffering".

"Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost $1000 down, and then payments of $450 for 24 months, plus payments for extras."

"Wow!" the woman exclaimed, "sounds like leasing a new sports car!"

"Hmmm," the doctor murmured, "too obvious, huh?"