I will not sleep...

... not until I find a cure for my insomnia.

We took the kids to one of those restaurants where the walls are plastered with movie memorabilia. I went off to see the hostess about reserving a table. When I returned, I found my 10-year-old granddaughter staring at a poster of Superman standing in a phone booth.

She looked puzzled. "She doesn't know who Superman is?" I asked my wife.

"Worse," my wife replied. "She doesn't know what a phone booth is."

One of the youth soccer coaches didn't care much for my refereeing and had no problem letting me know it. Fed up, I politely threatened him with a send-off if he didn't stop.

He calmed down, but an older woman took up where he'd left off. "You'd better control your sideline," I warned the coach.

The coach turned to the woman and barked, "Knock it off, Mom!"

I must be following my diet too closely...

Because I keep gaining on it.