When I returned home from college for a break, I noticed a paper posted on the refrigerator. It listed some goals my dad had set for himself: Help wife more; lose weight; be more productive at work.

I promptly added: "Send Michelle money every month."

A few days later my brother wrote: "Make payments on car for Jason."

Then my boyfriend joined in with: "Buy Tom a Jeep."

Finally my father added a new goal to his amended list: "Wean kids."

I tried working in a wheel factory, but I got too tired.

Q: Why is a fish easy to weigh?

A: Because it has its own scales!

Mr. Frobisher always scheduled the weekly staff meeting for four-thirty on Friday afternoons.

When one of the employees finally got up the nerve to ask why, he explained.

"I will tell you why. I've learned that's the only time of the week when none of you wants to argue with me."