I used to work in the woods as a lumberjack...

But just couldn't hack it...

So they gave me the ax!

A new years resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

Why couldn't the butterfly go to the fancy New Year's Eve dance?

It was a moth ball!

A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. "Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme'?" she asked.

"Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children."

"Is that a record?" she inquired.

"I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get."