Two mice scavenging in an old studio warehouse find some old celluloid film.

Mouse 1: This looks really old! I wonder what film it is?

Mouse 2: The can is right here... Oh, it's "Gone with the Wind"!

Mouse 1: Well, maybe it's still good - let me take a bite.

Mouse 2: Well? How is it?

Mouse 1: Nothing much. The book was better.

A young pupil asked, "Master, what is fate."

"Ah, my son, it is what has brought great nations together. It has made the world a smaller place in which to live. It has inspired men of worth to work endless hours. It will some day enable men to span the universe and light years of travel will soon become mere seconds in time."

"And that, my master, is fate?"

"Oh, fate! I thought you said freight."

I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together...

It was riveting.

So this guy has the courage -- but not always the skills -- to tackle any home-repair project. For example, his garage was littered with the pieces of a lawn mower he once tried to fix.

One day his wife found him in the living room, attacking the vacuum cleaner with a screwdriver. "I can't get this thing to cooperate!" he exclaimed.

His wife replied, "Why don't you drag it out to the garage and show it the lawn mower?"