Favorite this joke The California D.O.T found over 200 dead crows on the highways recently and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorbikes, while only 2% were killed by cars.
The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorbike kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviorist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah!", not a single one could shout "Bike!".
How is golf like taxes?
You drive hard to get to the green, and then you wind up in the hole.
There was a man who computed his taxes and found that he owed $3,407. He packaged up his payment and included this letter:
Dear IRS:
Enclosed is my tax return & payment. Please take note of the attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.
Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2,400) and six hammers (value $1,029).
This brings my total payment to $3,429.00. Please note the over-payment of $22.00 and apply it to the "Presidential Election Fund," as noted on my return. Might I suggest you the send the above mentioned fund a "1.5 inch screw." (See attached article...HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch Phillips Head Screw.)
It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.
Toy Disclaimers you have probably never noticed...
1. Warning: This fad will disappear in 6 weeks.
2. Caution: Care Bears do not actually care very much.
3. Warning: This toy produces substantially less childish glee in real life than it does in the TV commercial.
4. No beanies or babies harmed in the manufacture of this product.
5. Some dismemberment may occur.
6. In case of breakage, scream until Dad buys a replacement.
7. Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously.
8. Use as an actual terrorist device not recommended.
9. Do not attempt to combine your Ultra Mega Warrior with your cat to make Ultra Mega Cat Warrior.
10. Some assimilation required. Resistance is futile.
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