Did you hear about the semi-colon that broke the law?

He was given two consecutive sentences!

Yellowstone tourist: "Look at all those big rocks! Wherever did they come from?"

Yellowstone guide: "The glaciers brought them down."

Tourist (cluelessly): "But where are the glaciers?"

Guide (wearily): "The glaciers ... have gone back for more rocks."

First grade teacher: "There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is 'gross' and the other is 'cool.'"

Rachel: "Yeah? So, what are the words?"

A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune teller's tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat down.

"Ah....." said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. "I see you are the father of two children."

"That's what you think," the man laughed. "I'm the father of THREE children."

The woman grinned and said, "That's what YOU think!"