Census Taker: "How many children do you have?"

Woman: "Four."

Census Taker: "May I have their names, please?"

Woman: "Eenee, Meenee, Minee and George."

Census Taker: "Okay, that's fine. But may I ask why you named your fourth child George?"

Woman: "Because we didn't want any Moe!"

What's the difference between an umpire and a pickpocket?

One watches steals and the other steals watches.

My ability to remember song lyrics from the ’80’s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the kitchen.

The congregation of a small stone church decided that the stone which formed the step up to the front door had become too worn by its years of use, and would have to be replaced.

Unfortunately, there were hardly any funds available for the replacement. Then someone came up with the bright idea that the replacement could be postponed for many years by simply turning the block of stone over.

They discovered that their great-grandparents had beaten them to it.