A woman had been selling waterbeds for almost four years, and thought she had heard every question imaginable. But then a customer asked, "Can you deliver it filled with water?"
Stunned, the woman replied, "Are you kidding? It would weigh over twelve hundred pounds!"
After a short pause, the customer responded, "Could you do it if I helped you carry it in?"
Sitting in the bar George asks his 40-year-old friend John, "How come you aren't married?"
John replies, "I haven't found the right woman yet."
"So what are you looking for?"
"Oh, she's got to be real pretty, a good cook, and house keeper. She's got to know how to handle money, have a nice and pleasant personality, and money. She's got to have money. And a nice big house wouldn't hurt either."
"A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU!" says George.
"Oh, it's okay, if she is crazy."
Last night I was relaxing on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen: "Oh sweetheart, what would you like for dinner, my love? Chicken, beef or lamb?"
I said, "Thank you, darling. I think I'll have chicken."
She replied, "You're havin' a peanut butter sandwich. I was talkin' to the dog!"
If memory serves me right...
Well, it would be the first time.