Why do grasshoppers not go to many football games?
They prefer cricket matches.
What do you call a dentist in the army?
A drill sergeant!
A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s office. “Why is your stomach so big?” he asks.
“I'm having a baby,” she replies.
“Is the baby in your stomach?” he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.”
“Is it a good baby?”
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.”
Shocked and surprised, the little boy asks, “Then why did you eat him?”
What steps should you take if you ever come across a dangerous animal in the wilderness?
Very large ones.