I only went to the pub for 'Naked Happy Hour'...

But I stayed until clothing time.

Just reading that there's a small Island off the coast of Italy with 5 million Sicilian people.

That's the biggest number I've ever heard.

I’ve been prescribed anti-gloating cream...

I can’t wait to rub it in!

I started carrying a moist towelette in my wallet instead of a condom.

I run into chicken wings more often than I do sex.