Show me where Stalin is buried...

... and I'll show you a communist plot.

Nero was talking to his financial advisers in a Roman amphitheater.

"Why aren't we making any money from this building?" he said.

An advisor replied, "Because the lions are eating up all the prophets."

Why do Nuclear physicists have trouble concentrating on one project?

They have too many ions in the fire.

One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her backyard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold.

An officer was sent to her house to investigate and he returned 1-1/2 hours later with a black eye.

"Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked.

"No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."