A man walking along a road in the countryside came across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. He tells the shepherd, "I will bet $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell the exact number in this flock.”

The shepherd thinks it over. It is a big flock, so he takes the bet. "973," says the man. The shepherd is astonished. The man was exactly right. He says, "Okay. I am a man of my word, take an animal.”

The man picks one up and begins to walk away. "Wait!", cries the shepherd. "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation.”

The man agreed. "You are an economist for a government think tank,” says the shepherd.

"Amazing!" responds the man. "You are exactly right! Tell me, how did you deduce that?"

"Well,” says the shepherd, "put down my dog and I will tell you.”

Last night, someone actually jumped the fence of the Presidential Palace.

The Security team eventually caught the person.

The tackling officer said, “I'm sorry, but you have to stay here for all four years, Mr. President.”

Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue!

I just put my new hearing aid in...

I can even hear my thoughts now.