A big bullfrog is in the middle of the swamp crying out his lament about being stuck so far from all the action.

Out of nowhere this fairy godmother appears and tells him he will have an encounter with a beautiful young woman in three years. The bullfrog asks this fairy godmother why it will take so long.

"The woman is only in eighth grade now, and will not be dissecting frogs in Biology until her Junior year."

An elderly couple were sitting outdoors at a cafe when they noticed an old man who seemed to be having trouble crossing the street with an ungainly shuffle. The man said to his wife, "He surely has bad arthritis to walk like that."

His wife replied, "No, that's definitely old time rheumatism."

They couldn't agree so the man decided to ask the old man. He walked over to him and said, "Excuse me, sir, but my wife and I saw you having difficulty crossing the street and I told her that you have arthritis but she insisted that you have rheumatism. Which one of us was wrong?"

The old man said, "The three of us were wrong."

"Three of us were wrong? How so?" asked the man.

To which the old man replied, "You were wrong when you said I had arthritis, your wife was wrong when she said I had rheumatism, and I was wrong when I thought I just had to pass gas."

In the early 1930's, a farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost. "$10 for three minutes," replied the pilot.

"That is too much," said the farmer.

The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I will make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for three minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. However, if you make a sound, you will have to pay $10."

The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man."

"Maybe so," said the farmer, "but I have to tell you, I almost screamed when my wife fell out."

A well-known rich businessman's wife broke her hip. The businessman got the best bone surgeon in town to do the operation. The operation consisted of lining up the broken hip and putting in a screw to secure it. The operation went fine, and the doctor sent the business man a fee for his services of $5000.

The businessman was outraged at the cost, and sent the doctor a letter demanding an itemized list of the costs. The doctor sent back a list with two things:

One screw..................................... $ 1
Knowing how to put it in............. $4999
Total = $5000

The businessman never argued.