Lead me not into temptation... I can find it myself.

Life is like a fountain... I will tell you how when I figure it out.

Make a firm decision now... you can always change it later.

Male zebras have white stripes... but female zebras have black stripes.

Money DOES talk... but to me it says goodbye.

I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it???

It's a small world... but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious.

The pet store was selling three parrots. A man who wants to buy a parrot approaches the clerk and asks, “How much are your parrots?”

The sales clerk answers, “The first one is $1,000.”

“What does he know?”

“He knows 10,000 words and 500 sentences and can solve mathematical expressions.”

“How about the second one?”

“The second parrot costs $5,000.”

“What does he know?”

“He knows 100,000 words and 10,000 sentences, can solve mathematical expressions, and create computer programs.”

“Then what is the price for the third one?” asked the buyer.

“This one costs $20,000.”

“Really?! What does he know?”

“This one knows absolutely nothing, but the two others always call him 'BOSS’."

Signs are not always what they seem...

IN A LAUNDROMAT: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.

IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE: Bargain Basement Upstairs

IN AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.

IN ANOTHER OFFICE: After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.

OUTSIDE A SECOND HAND SHOP: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.